Dad’s Passing and Funeral

Day 2

I am currently going through the process of transporting my deceased father from Colorado to Texas. Dad had a massive heart attack yesterday morning, March 15th, at 7:30 AM. My brother, Chris, and I performed CPR until the police arrived. EMS arrived shortly thereafter. Everyone worked to resuscitate Dad, but after 30 minutes, there was still no pulse. Dad was pronounced dead at 7:30 AM.

The Deputy Coroner arrived and began a preliminary investigation to determine the cause of death. Based on the described behavior of the previous day since we arrived in Winter Park, CO, the initial consensus was a massive heart attack. Dad had fluid on his legs and ankles, a sign of a heart not performing well. He had complained of his heart working hard whenever he walked, especially upstairs. He stated that he was alright when sitting down. In hindsight, we should have taken him to the ER to have his heart checked out.

My Dad was Catholic, so I requested a preacher to perform Last Rights for him. A preacher was located and performed the Last Rights at the coroner's truck where Dad had been taken. The preacher returned to our condo to discuss death and pray with us.

Chris and I called the funeral home in our hometown, Henneke Funeral Home. Until we know differently, we are proceeding with the assumption that Dad would have wanted to be buried near his mother and father, who preceded him in death years earlier.

Chris and I worked to put the hometown funeral home in contact with the coroner. They worked together to arrange for Dad to be flown back to Texas. I also worked with the Colorado funeral home, Aspen Mortuaries, to get Chris and me to sign the necessary form. The forms needed were the Release Form, the Death Certificate form, and the Embarking form. Having a social security number was critical for the Death Certificate form. All of this was completed so Dad could be picked up by Aspen Mortuaries and prepped for travel. Light embalming is required for the flight.

Dad will be received in Austin by Henneke Funeral Home and then taken to our hometown, Columbus, Texas. The death certificate has been approved and is being filed with the state of Colorado.

Chris and I will next visit Dad's home to look for an insurance policy and accountant information. We will need many copies of the death certificate to close accounts and subscriptions and liquidate and transfer assets. As the executor of Dad's will, my fiduciary responsibility is to ensure everything is done appropriately.

Day 3

Chris and I went to Dad's home and reviewed his documents. It didn't take long to find what we were looking for. Dad's will and related documentation were in an envelope, including a business card for the lawyer he used to file and a sheet of paper with important account contact information.

Per the will, I confirmed with Henneke Funeral Home that Dad did not have any special instructions for his burial. Chris and I have decided that Dad will be buried in the same cemetery as his mother and father, in a plot as close as possible.

We also contacted an attorney Chris knows to get recommendations for a probate attorney for the will.

We are scheduled to go to Henneke Funeral Home and meet with them to take care of the funeral arrangements.

Day 4

Chris and I arrived at Henneke Funeral Home at 11:00 AM to take care of the funeral arrangements. There were many questions asked about my father, such as follows:

• Address
• Date of Birth
• Place of Birth
• Date of Death
• Place of Death
• Occupation (before retirement)
• Name of Employer
• Father's Name
• Mother's Maiden Name
• Survived By

We also had to decide the following:

• Date and Time of Service
• Place of Service
• Whether or not to have a Rosary
• What Cemetary
• Who the Clergy would be to perform the ceremony
• Church Affiliations
• Pallbearers and Honorary Pallbearers

We had to choose the casket and the liner (so that the dirt would not settle on the grave over time). We also chose acknowledgment cards, local radio announcements, funeral notices, obituaries in the local papers and on the website for Henneke Funeral Home, and the number of certified death certificates the estate wanted.

In addition to the funeral arrangements, Chris and I had to arrange for flowers for the casket, called a spray, boutonniere for the pallbearers, and single flowers to lay on the casket at the graveside.

Chris and I took our mom to lunch to discuss the obituary she has been working on. We hope to finish it well before the funeral to widely circulate it.

Chris has received several probate attorney recommendations, one of which he knows very well. He is contacting this attorney to see if he will accept our case. The funeral home director advised us to get the price of the probate from the attorney and to select one with a flat rate, not hourly or a percentage of the estate. A flat-rate attorney will be the most efficient at the proceeding and will not drag it out longer than necessary.

We will go to Dad's house to catalog his accounts and subscriptions tomorrow.

Day 5

Chris and I went to Dad's house, and I could log into his computer as him. From there,e I got a complete list of accounts and their credentials. We used this information to begin making a list of Dad's assets.

Chris contacted John, an attorney he knew from his Texas Attorney General's office job. John is now retired and handles probate cases. He agreed to represent us in this probate and answered our questions.

While Chris and I were at Dad's, Rachel, Chris'’ wife, was visiting with my wife, Cheryl. On Friday nights, eating out was a tradition Dad did with my family. Day 5 is Friday, so we all went out to dinner. It was strange going out to dinner on Friday night without Dad. We will figure out how to keep this tradition alive and within our budget. It's vital to me.

The obituary was also completed tonight. We will post it on Facebook and elsewhere to spread the word tomorrow.

Day 6

I posted the obituary this morning on Facebook: my page and Dad's.

We are all also working to gather pictures of Dad and the music he loved for the slideshow, which will be shown during the viewing.

Day 7

I've been working at Dad's house, cleaning up, and looking for pictures. Some have brought back great memories. Other family members are also looking for photos of Dad to include in the slideshow during the viewing.

I'm learning that there was a side of Dad that I didn't know. Not bad, just different. I believe that Dad compartmentalized the various aspects of his life, not letting one bleed over into another. I wish I'd have known my Dad better.

Day 8

Finalizing the slideshow for the viewing will occur on the funeral day. I am gathering all the pictures and music to put on thumb drives and bring to Henneke Funeral Home tomorrow.

Day 9

Delivered the music and pictures for the slideshow to Henneke Funeral Home. Also paid for the cemetery plot for Dad. The Catholic church owned the plots and had to be paid separately from the funeral expenses.

Day 10

The viewing and funeral went smoothly. During the service, the speakers did an excellent job. The music was appropriate for Dad, who would have been pleased with it.

I met many of my Dad's friends and relatives I had known before, which opened up an entirely different life for Dad than I knew of. It is easy to forget, as children, that our parents had entire lives before we were brought into their lives.

I received the death certificates that will be needed in the next phase of this process.